Free Kissing Advice and
Kissing Tips and Techniques
in my Kissing 101 Newsletter!

---

Kissing Story: "The Funniest Kiss I Ever Had" by James

This week's article is a very special story from James, author of "How to Be Irresistible to Women," a man who knows the humor of a kiss...

It's hard to forget the embarrassing moments in life. Sometimes they fill you with regret and shame, even complete disgust. They're so shameful that the bad memory is embedded into your head and makes you wish it never happened.

But my embarrassing kissing memory doesn't involve humiliation or shame; in fact, it involves nothing but good memories and the gratitude that it did happen in a most humorous and embarrassing way!

The night began innocently enough. I was celebrating a going-away party with my friends, so obviously it was a very emotional night. But it was also full of fun and joy, as all of us were having a great night drinking and partying. I was probably having the most fun of everyone, as I was at a fantastic lounge in The Big Apple, the music playing was awesome, and the vibe was just fantastic.

I was prancing around the bar, grooving to the great tunes at the bar, and, of all things, pretending to be a crab! So I'm walking around all funny-like, imitating, of all things, a crab, when I see this gorgeous girl laughing at me. I was stunned by her beauty and even more by the fact that she seemed interested! So, full of confidence and more than a few shots of Jack Daniel's, I walked like a crab up to her: cocky, confident and...well, not tall, but short. Because, you know, I was being a crab, right?

So I introduced myself as she laughed and asked me about my funny "crab walk." To all you guys: This is a great conversation-starter and attention getter! Who doesn't notice a guy walking around and dancing like a crab?

I told her that this was just something that came naturally to me. My mother was a crab, so it's just the way I naturally walk. Teasing her (a great turn-on), I asked, "Do you have a problem with my crab ancestry? Huh? Are you racist?"

This provoked a big laugh, and got our meeting off to a fantastic start. Humor really is a powerful aphrodisiac that we guys should use to full effect. Ladies, it doesn't hurt to use some funny lines and body language on guys, either.

So this girl, Melissa, and I chatted all night. As the night was dwindling, the music got really good, we danced a bit, and the romantic tension rose. As we were cuddling, she asked me how crabs kiss. Naturally, this was a great opportunity to be funny. I had gotten to know her by being funny, so why not escalate the romance by being funny, too?

"Well," I said, "crabs actually have a rather fascinating way of kissing. First, they of course have to assume the natural 'crab walk' position." So I bended my knees outwards and stooped down like a crab, falling several inches short of her. This caused a laugh.

"Next," I said, suddenly feeling the effects of nearly 8 hours' worth of alcohol, "they take the girls' hands with their pincers." So I grabbed her right hand in a pincer-like fashion, digging slightly into her skin. She giggled.

Things were getting really good, and I could see in the sparkle of her eye that she was more than just a little excited. It was truly becoming a night to remember.

So what happens when you're having the time of your life, flirting with a gorgeous girl, and getting ideas of how the night will end?

You do something really, really, really embarrassing, of course! Guess that's just the way life keeps us in check.

"What happens next?" Melissa asked me in a deep, flirty voice.

"Well," I intoned in my best impersonation of James Bond. "Then, we...uh....." I suddenly blanked out as I felt the unwise mix of Jack Daniel's, Rolling Rock beer, sangria, and wine hitting my head. I started to stumble, but not in my entertaining crab manner. This was not deliberate stumbling like the crab walk--it was stumbling that comes from too much Jack D's and not enough food and water! Before I knew it, in front of this hot beauty I was trying desperately to attract with humor and aplomb...

I dropped backwards on the floor!

Immediately Melissa jumped out of her seat to see if I was okay. I was a bit out of it, but I didn't pass out. She rushed to give me water as I turned bright red. This was really embarrassing...I had totally blown it by looking like a drunk idiot. All I could see as she bended over to help me and give me water was my chances of seducing this gorgeous woman slipping away...

Until something amazing happened. She asked me with a grin, "Is falling backwards on your ass the next way that crabs kiss?" Suddenly the ominously grey clouds parted and sunshine began to pass through!

I could have blurted out something stupid and sheepish like, "No, no, that's not the way they do it...I'm sorry," or "Man, I really messed up, didn't I?" That would have completely buried my chances of seeing the romance continue. But I guess the alcohol didn't totally wipe out my brain cells, as I still had enough say something witty and funny. I had been given that one moment when you can either make or break the mood, and somehow found the words to pass the test: "Actually, it is. You see, crabs have this ritual where they drop to their floor, hard on their ass, particularly after drinking much wine, while the female crab bends over to give the male crab a big, wet kiss that heals his boo-boo."

Melissa laughed, impressed that I could see the humor in the situation and not be too embarrassed. If you can turn a potentially humiliating experience into a funny one girls (or guys) can laugh about for years, only good things will happen.

And they did. Melissa said, "Well, then I guess I have to give you a good old crab kiss and heal your boo-boo." She leaned over and gave me one of the most fantastic kisses I can ever remember. It didn't last that long, though, because we soon burst out laughing at how silly the whole episode was. How could a guy who walked around like a CRAB catch the attention--and the attraction--of a girl who could have been a model?

By humor, of course. I remember that kiss more for how much it made Melissa laugh than for the kiss itself. Which just goes to show you: Funny moments can make a kiss all the more memorable! Don't be afraid to look at the humor that so-called "embarrassing" moments contain...you might just find that they make the moment even more special!